Watching the Sunset
by Purrrin
Summary: On the Rainbow Bridge, Seishirou was safed by Subaru. Now they meet again at the park, watching the sunset. Romantic S&S Chap 2 is finished now! Seishirou takes Subaru to Tokyo Tower and finally the two of them...
1. Watching the Sunset

**Watching the Sunset**

_Chapter 1  
_

**Author's Note: **Well, this is the first chapter of my (I hope so) romantic story about Subaru and Seishirou. It appears that Seishirou survived the fight on the Rainbow Bridge (because Subaru saved him. How? Be patient gg) and was taken to hospital. A few weeks passed and Seishirou, looking out of the window of his room at the hospital, sees Subaru sitting on a bench next to the lake at the hospital's park. Of course he decided to go out!  
I just wanted to write a romantic story about the two of them, so I hope it worked, because I'm not quite used to writing romances! If you like it, let me know and I'll continue

**Disclaimer:** Subaru and Seishirou (and all the other characters made by CLAMP) of course belong to CLAMP. The story belongs to me :-)

* * *

He let his eyes wander down the plateau of the hospital's park until they finally found what they were looking for.

Subaru was sitting on a bench and looking across the lake at the sunset, apparently totally lost in thoughts.

The sunbeams made the water sparkle and twinkle, which somehow reminded Seishirou of the view they had had watching the lights of the city at night from the viewing platform of Tokyo Tower a long time ago.

Now he didn't smile, though. He had always been smiling, all his life. But that had only been pretence, only a masquerade. Only smiles of disdain and arrogance, only smiles of fake affection and fake pity.

And yet, there had been that one smile, his last one. A smile that was totally different from all the others. It was the smile he had given to Subaru at the moment of his death. It had been a genuine smile. A smile that had really been sent from the bottom of his literally shattered heart. The first time he ever had allowed someone to look inside his soul so deeply. The smile that had absolutely said the same as he had been whispering at that moment.

_I love you._

Right now, he didn't smile. There was no need for pretence anymore. Not now, after what had happened between the two of them at the Rainbow Bridge. And now, there were so many questions unanswered, so many things he really needed to ask the one sitting right down there on the bench and looking at the sunset.

Silently he approached the familiar frame on the bench and sat next to it, not looking at the other's face, not looking at his reaction, but only at the beautiful warm evening sun, that seemed to be about to drown in the waters of the lake.

Seishirou felt Subaru's eyes turning to him. He felt the other's shudder, his tension. The other's reaching for words he couldn't grasp.

"I knew it was a mistake to tell you." Seishirou finally said, without turning his head, as if he was actually speaking to the sun he was staring at. There was no reaction. So he continued. "Somehow I knew I shouldn't tell you, because I wasn't sure how you might react." His eyes frowned and his voice became more tensed. "But still… I decided – well, it's not as if I had had that much time… But I realised that this might actually be the last chance to tell you and so I decided that if I wouldn't tell you now, my whole live would not have had any meaning at all."

Subaru lowered his head. He didn't answer, but Seishirou knew that he was thinking hard about what his ears had just heard.

"I… didn't want to leave you like this, Subaru-kun. But there was no time for explanations. There was only time to say… what was most important to me." Seishirou said merely to himself, as his thoughts began to wander back to the year of the Bet and to run through all those years that had passed until now. "You see…" he said, turning his head towards Subaru. Suddenly he tensed and his eyes widened.

Subaru was staring at the sunset, his eyes filled with tears that seemed to have been sealed away for nine years. The sunlight made the one tear running down his right cheek sparkle as if it was a drop made of pure diamond.

"Seishirou-san…" he whispered weakly and finally turned his head to face the other man. He closed his eyes briefly but strongly, and then opened them again.

Seishirou looked at his one beautiful emerald-green eye that had lost its shining a long time ago, yet not a single bit of its purity and depth. The other eye was empty. White. Like a mirror reflection of himself. And somehow… looking at the one broken eye… he felt… he actually felt...

_…guilty.__  
__  
__  
_

There was great pain standing behind those tears, great sorrow and grief.

Seishirou looked down. "Come on" he murmured, unsure what to say. "Don't…" He suddenly found himself lifting his hand in order to touch the other's, but he stopped right in the air and let his hand fall onto his lap again. No, a part of him said, he had no right. Trying to comfort someone from pain he himself had caused, that would almost have been derision. "Subaru-kun…" he whispered instead. "I'm not a person who deserves your tears."

Subaru silently sobbed, then lifted his sleeves to wipe away his tears.

Seishirou turned his head once again and felt his thoughts being swept away by the warming golden colour of the water.

Subaru caught a deep breath and, turning his head to the sunset as well, he started: "Back there, on the bridge, I felt as if the whole world would shatter around me. Your words… There were so many questions I wanted to ask you. I felt how everything suddenly was slipping out of my fingers, leaving me unable to grasp and keep it. Far too little time in order to face the situation and react. But now, even though I have so much time, I don't even know where to start. And I'm afraid."

Seishirou glanced inconspicuously at him. Softly he asked: "Of getting hurt again?"

Subaru didn't answer.

They sat like this for a few minutes, each one musing about their destiny, about what happened. There was so much about the other person each of them didn't understand. Too many questions about the other's motives and thoughts.

The sun was almost half swallowed by the lake's water, the light getting dimmer, but still making the water glitter in a mysterious way.

"You were the one who brought me back, right?" Seishirou supposed, but added: "Yes, of course it was you. What a stupid question." He lowered his gaze. "I wonder why you did it."

Subaru looked at him. "Because I… because I had to know. If it was true…"

"True? What?" Seishirou turned his head. He supposed to know what Subaru was talking about, but he had to hear it from Subaru himself. Otherwise their conversation would only lead into misunderstandings and pain again. The two of them were too different, too far away to be able to understand each other just by thoughts.

"Your words." Subaru said slowly. "The thing – the last thing you told me."

Seishirou turned his entire body to Subaru, but found himself unable to face him by looking into his eyes. So his gaze rested on his hands which still lay on his lap.

"Subaru-kun." He started.

Subaru felt Seishirou struggling with every single word, carefully thinking about each thought to be spoken. And still… there was nothing fake about him. Not the slightest sign of pretence. His expression was serious.

"There is still something I need to tell you. As I said, there was not enough time back there on the bridge, but there were in fact _two_ things I had to tell you. So I had to choose, and I chose what I actually said. The other thing is…" He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and looked up at Subaru. Their eyes met so directly that Subaru startled, getting the impression that Seishirou was able to look all the way down into his soul; his mind reflected in that one amber eye fixed on him. Seishirou reached out his hands and grasped the ones of his opposite.

"_I feel sorry for all the things I've done to you."  
_

Subaru's eyes widened. He stared at the one in front of him, unable to believe what he just heard.

Seishirou looked down again; his glance came to rest on their hands.

_Feel…_Him? Yes, him. He started to caress the back of Subaru's left hand almost shyly with his fingers.

Subaru swallowed.

"You know… I love you, Subaru-kun, I really do." Seishirou said without looking up. "In fact, you had won our Bet at the very beginning, but I didn't play fairly. As the end of the Bet came closer, I got more and more confused. There was something I _felt_, but I didn't know what it was or how to deal with it. I only knew that it had something to do with you – and your eyes. And then, there was this incident at the hospital. You know, the mother of little Yuya-kun. When I saw you standing there, in front of the woman with the knife, my mind turned over and stopped. Before I realized what I was doing it was already too late. When I came to myself again, I was scared by my own actions, scared of me being capable to do such a thing like loosing complete control of myself. And scared of you. Because you were the reason of that odd behaviour. You changed something within me, Subaru-kun, and that scared me. So I decided to get rid of you. I ended the Bet just in order to proof myself that I was not the one to lose. That it was true that the Sakurazukamori was not capable of any kind of feelings. So I hurt you. And with every hit I thought to myself 'See, he doesn't mean anything to you. He's not more than glass that breaks if you let go.' And then I was about to kill you. But something prevented it. And that was _not_ your Grandmother. She was only a way for me to pretend that she had been the reason why I didn't succeed killing you."

He looked back across the lake. The sun had almost disappeared and he let go off Subaru's hands.

Subaru looked at him in shock. But outside he stayed calm. He grabbed every single information Seishirou gave him, he saved every little word inside his mind, for at the moment he was not able to come to any conclusions from his opposite's confessions. He was not able to analyze any of it right at the moment. He was only able to listen.

"And then there was your sister."

Subaru tensed at the last word. He looked straight at Seishirou.

"She told me to kill her because she wanted the two of us to live and because she intended to cast a special spell on me. That was right after the moment when I had been confused and scared the most. I couldn't understand why, again, I had acted in such a strange way by letting you go a second time and so I decided to finish it up once and for all. I thought by killing your sister I had a second chance in actually proofing myself that I didn't care for you at all. But I guess killing her and killing you was not quite the same. After seeing her corpse lying underneath the Sakura Tree I realized what I had done. I had made you want to kill me. I had broken your heart and your soul, soiled the purity of your mind…

I thought it would be best if I just forgot about everything, just left everything behind. I thought it would be best if I declared the Bet as a failure and locked it away somewhere inside my mind. But I couldn't stop thinking of you. I couldn't stop realizing more and more what I had done to you. And so I finally understood that I had not only destroyed your and your sister's life."

It was dark now. The sun had totally disappeared. The moon was shining bright, and it was _its_ light which was now being reflected be the water.

"I thought it was your wish to kill me and I saw that this was fair. It was the only way for me to be punished. From that day on I had only one wish. I wanted to… to die in your arms. That was all. That was all I ever wanted to be happy. But after you fought so weakly every time, after you didn't make any attempts on killing me, no matter how much I irritated you, I decided that the only way for me to die through your hands was to invoke your sister's spell." He looked up to long for Subaru's eyes. "And that's the whole story I have to tell you. The most genuine version I can offer."

Subaru couldn't hold back his tears anymore. Seishirou's words come over him like a giant wave, something that swallows him and sweeps him away. In his head there was only one question hammering: Is it true? Is it true this time? Or once again nothing but a sick game to hurt me even more?

Seishirou seemed to know what Subaru was thinking right now. But that was okay. Even if he could not expect from Subaru to ever trust him again, at least he had said what's been on his mind for so many years. He felt relieved. Even if he couldn't imagine the outcome of all this.

It certainly was honest, one part of Subaru's mind decided, as he looked into the depth of that one beautiful amber eye, that was looking back at him without that usual smirk. But he didn't care after all. After all this years of pain and suffering, after all he'd just heard a few moments ago, after all he had been through… He just felt like…

_…clinging to Seishirou's shoulder and crying his heart out.__  
__  
__  
_

The gesture was so sudden and unexpected, that Seishirou stared at the onmyouji almost in panic.

Subaru clutched his opposite's left shoulder with both hands, settling his forehead against Seishirou's shoulder-blade. Still, it was not an embrace. He was crying in pain that had been locked inside his fragile heart for such a long time. His face was damp and red, so were his eyes.

Seishirou looked at him in shock with his eyes opened widely in surprise and confusion. He wasn't able to understand why Subaru would cry out his tears to _him_ of all people, to _him_, the cause for all his suffering. Was it because Subaru might still be in love with him after all? But then, how could he possibly be in love with his sister's murderer and the one who destroyed his whole life?

He didn't know how to react to Subaru's action. After all, he was the Sakurazukamori, the one supposed to be incapable of feelings. And with that kind of behaviour he had no experience. There was something inside him, some kind of desperate urge to wrap his arms around the younger man, to comfort him and to make him stop crying. To tell him again and again that he was so sorry for what he'd done. But he had no right to touch him. No right to comfort him at all.

Seishirou blinked down at the figure trembling, sobbing and crying as if this actually was the End of the World.

Hesitatingly he lifted his right hand and slowly moved it towards his opposite's back. Gently he settled his hand there, pulling him closer, but not embracing him. That would have gone too far for him, he thought.

The longer they remained like that, the guiltier Seishirou started to feel. It had been obvious, of course, that the things he'd done to Subaru had made him suffer gravely and for a very long time, broken his heart and his mind, reduced the emotional boy to a shadow image of himself, made him linger around in deep pain musing about a reality which could not be changed.

But… had Seishirou really put him through such great pain that made Subaru cry like that without even being able to stop again? Seishirou closed his eyes and softly leaned his head against the other's, feeling the younger man's soft hair brush against his cheek.

It felt so good, but it felt not right, not allowed. There was still something inside his mind that told him that he had no right even to attempt to comfort Subaru in any way. And still…

_…it felt so good…__  
__  
__  
_

The shivering and trembling of the fragile figure that suddenly was so close seemed to calm Seishirou. He felt his body relax, his hand starting to stroke the other's back, whose hands were still holding onto his shoulder as if this was the only piece left for him to grasp before being swept away by the raging storm of reality. The sobbing did not clam down; it almost seemed as if there was no power on Earth that could ever make it stop again.

Even if there were so many things that separated the two of them, even if this gap between them was widened by pain and murder, even so… for this moment… he wanted to forget. He wanted to remain like this forever, without past, without future. Just like this.

"It's alright, Subaru-kun" he whispered. "It's alright. No need to hold back."

Subaru felt the pain he had had for all those years coming over him again; the words of the man next to him stirring so many emotions that had been locked away inside him. It had been a long time since he had cried for the last time. It had been too terrible to cry. But at this moment… everything went too fast, too unexpected… And now there was that familiar aura, a familiar person, a familiar voice.

And a touch on his back in such an unfamiliar way. A way he almost had forgotten about. A caring way.

They stayed like this for a long time. For almost half an hour. And Subaru's tears didn't stop falling.

Seishirou was afraid that Subaru might get himself hurt if he continued crying like that… But there was no way for Seishirou to stop him.

Subaru had to stop himself. When he felt that he had cried enough.

That was alright with Seishirou. Time didn't matter anymore. Not now. They had all the time in the world, unlike after their confrontation at the Rainbow Bridge. But now, they had as much time as they wanted.

Eventually, Subaru's sobbing subdued.

He became calm all of a sudden, his body stopped trembling.

Seishirou opened his eyes and smiled softly.

Subaru still didn't let go off Seishirou's shoulder. He did not move, nor did he say anything.

For a moment Seishirou wondered if Subaru might have fallen asleep.

"Look, Subaru-kun, the moon…" Seishirou finally let go off Subaru and turned his body once again to the lake.

The moon made the water sparkle in the same way the sun had, but this time the glitter seemed to be rather of silver than of gold.

Subaru lifted his head to glance across the shining water of the lake.

Seishirou blinked at him. His eyes were totally red and glassy. No great surprise after crying for over half an hour. They still were wet, and the moon's light made them sparkle as well.

He truly _was_ beautiful. Like an angel. A lot more mature than the shy sixteen year old boy he'd once known, whose cuteness seemed to have changed into real beauty.

Subaru felt himself relax as his eyes rested on the pale shining circle up there in the sky. It was a pleasant light, not glaring, but gently sending down its glow as if its sole purpose would be to make the lake's surface shine like a sea made of thousands of little stars.

It made Subaru feel better to think about that, even if it was trivial. It distracted his mind from all the mixed-up thoughts in his head. He felt as if he could dive away into another world, where there was no pain, no sorrow and no confusion. Only that glitter.

"It is so pretty…" Subaru finally whispered.

Sitting there on the bench next to Seishirou made his heart feel relieved in some kind of way. It was the first time after so many years that he had this kind of feeling. The feeling of familiarity, of something or someone he already knew and who already knew him. Someone, who knew what kind of person Subaru really was, who could understand Subaru's way of thinking and acting, and someone, who knew Subaru's past.

Even if it was Seishirou. His supposed nemesis, the killer of his sister, the one who destroyed his life.

He was also the one person that had been, together with Hokuto, the dearest to him, a friend and soul-mate, even if his heart was right the contrary of his own.

They had also a lot in common. Both of them were "not normal", not like anyone else.

And both of them were lonely. Maybe that was the one thing which had brought them together under the Sakura Tree almost sixteen years ago. The thing, which made them feel connected to each other so deeply.

_Opposite and soul-mate, Seishirou was both to him.  
_

He turned his head to face the other man whose eyes had been on him all the time he'd been watching the moon. He struggled inside. One part of him told him that it was almost crime to have that kind of feeling towards someone who had been the source of all his and his sister's pain. That all that had happened was the other man's fault and his alone.

But the other part of Subaru, the pure and selfless part of him, won. In a slow and soft tone he said: "Thank you, Seishirou-san."

Seishirou looked at him, puzzled. "Why would you thank me? For destroying your life? You're welcome. I'm good at those things." he said cynically.

Subaru turned away his gaze, back to the calming moon. "Thanks for telling me the truth."

Seishirou looked away as well. "Why are you so sure that it is the truth? What if it was a lie again? A lie to break everything that's left of you? To crush your innocent heart once and for all? How could you even _think_ of ever trusting me again?"

Subaru winced. He felt a sudden danger around him. Like a mistake he made in saying his last sentence.

Seishirou was right. It could be one of his insane games again. It _had_ to be. For why would he act so nice all of a sudden if not in order to hurt his prey even more? Subaru bit his lips at the thought that he had again started to see the kind veterinarian in the Sakurazukamori.

But only an instant later, he composed himself again as the reason why he had started to trust Seishirou during the last half of an hour came to his mind. Relieved, a tiny smile flitted over his face and he answered optimistically: "Because you gave your life for my sake. And you couldn't have anticipated that I would attempt to bring you back."

Startled, Seishirou met his gaze.

Subaru felt glad that he had found something that ensured him that all the things that had happened the last moments ago were actually true, no pretence, no game. Surely, giving one's life would be a bit too much for a game and especially for the Sakurazukamori.

Suddenly Seishirou's expression softened and he started to smile. "You're right." he said. "That's a good reason." He was looking deeply into this one emerald-green eye fixed on him. The deep, sparkling colour he'd always been admiring since the eyes of a pure and innocent little boy looked up a Sakura Tree and met the killer's eyes.

Subaru felt his mood improving to levels he didn't even think of for nine endlessly long years. Somehow, he was kind of scared by it. But it felt good. Very good. He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to smile as well.

But something stopped him. No, it would take a lot of time until his heart had thawed and made him able to smile or even laugh again.

He brought himself to allow a lessen version of the grateful and emotional smile he used to have as a teenager.

And it felt great. It made him feel like flying through the deep blue sky, or simply like being human.

Seishirou suddenly noticed a change in his expression. He couldn't tell exactly what it had been, but it made him look softer, less sorrowful and aloof.

But that sudden feeling of joy Subaru might be feeling right now was also dangerous.

Seishirou lowered his head. "Still, Subaru-kun. The intention behind an action doesn't change the action itself. Hokuto-chan's still dead. And I am still her killer."

Subaru took a deep breath. He didn't want to lose everything he had right at the moment again.

He seemed to think carefully about his answer and then he finally said: "If I had been at your place, then maybe I would have done the same."

"Subaru-kun…" Seishirou only stared at him in confusion.

Subaru clenched his fists. "I don't understand you, Seishirou-san. I'm not you, and I'll never be. I don't know what you think when you act, I don't know what you intend when you talk. But… when one realizes that everything one had believed in turns out to be possibly wrong, one actually gets very confused. And then one wants to proof oneself that nothing has changed after all. That everything's still as it should be. And so, one does things that no one else might understand. Things, other people might condemn, because they don't understand what this person truly feels and why he acts this way. So I guess if I had been the Sakurazukamori and had been told my whole life that I was not capable of any human emotion, I wouldn't have acted much different."

Seishirou was quite surprised. Subaru really hadn't changed at all. Always trying to understand another person's feelings, even if they are so difficult to understand as the Sakurazukamori's. He rested his left hand on Subaru's shoulder. "I missed your way of thinking."

Subaru looked up, questioning.

Returning his gaze, Seishirou chuckled.

"_You still are so kind-hearted."  
_

"Sakurazuka-san?" a voice suddenly said from behind.

The two men on the bench turned around.

A nurse looked at Subaru. "I'm sorry, but the visiting hours are already over."

Then she glanced at Seishirou. "Please follow me inside. It's time for your medicine."

Seishirou got up, Subaru's eyes moving with him. "Thank you for visiting me, Subaru-kun." he said politely.

"Seishirou-san…" Subaru didn't find the words he was reaching out for.

Seishirou understood and smiled at him. "Maybe one day… we could become friends again."

Subaru's eyes widened in surprise, then, only an instant later, he smiled slightly and lowered his head out of shyness. "Yes…" he whispered. "That would be great…"

His gaze rested on the two frames as they walked up to the brightly illuminated building of the hospital and vanished somewhere into its lights.

_Yes, that would be great. _

* * *


	2. Déjà Vu I Love You

**Déjà Vu I Love You**

_Chapter 2_

**Author's Note: **Alright, I have to admit, it took me a while to continue, but finally I've finished this chapter! It's a bit different from the first one, because I had to bring some kind of plot into it (yes, there actually is something like a plot in this story!). So the first two paragraphes are backflashes from Tokyo Babylon. Subaru remembers it, as he is standing now in front of the hospital again (just like nine years ago, after Seishirou got his eye stabbed). I hope you'll enjoy it, especially the second part of the story!  
Secondly, I wanted to thank you for all those sweet reviews! Thank you very much!  
PS: I already got something in mind for a third chapter (taking place at the house of the Sakurazukamori... ;-)) So, again, if you like it, I'll continue!

**Disclaimer:** Subaru and Seishirou (and all the other characters made by CLAMP) of course belong to CLAMP. The story belongs to me :-)

* * *

Blood.

Drop... Drop... Drop...

The sound echoed deep inside his soul.

He felt his heart being brought to another place, another time, so that he could run, escape from the sight of the reality, which had come so suddenly and unexpected. The sight which ended his innocent and naïve life. And now…

The blood continued dropping. The sound of the bitter liquid shattering on the smooth floor of that one dark room at the hospital, resounding in that one instant of total silence, like a single raindrop crushing eternity.

Blood. _His_ blood.

The blood of that one person so close to him, the one always being there, listening to him, teasing him…

So why now? Why did the blood continue dropping?

Why!

"Hurry! It's an emergency!"

"Someone's eye's been stabbed with a knife!"

"A doctor! Fast!"

Stabbed…? But…

But this cannot be…

Why stabbed?

Subaru hardly realized the white dressed men running into the room.

They were rushing towards that one person standing right in front of him. The one usually wearing a cheerful smile was now covering his right eye with his hand.

He hardly realized that this was reality. It was like a dream, a nightmare. Too cruel to be true. Too far away to be grasped. Too terrible to be imagined.

But it was real. And it had happened. Reality cannot be changed, never.

And suddenly he was standing alone in the dark room. No one else was there, only himself and the blood on the flood. The red, glaring blood, piercing against the perfect white of the floor.

It was everywhere, the blood. Suddenly it was everywhere inside his mind.

And then he realized for the first time, what had happened just an instant ago.

Seishirou's eye had been stabbed to protect him.

Seishirou had given his eye for him.

Subaru felt like losing his life. Like losing the world and everything around it.

Seishirou-san…!  
"Seishirou-san!" he whispered as his emerald-green eyes started to fill with tears. "Seishirou-san!"

With his eyes opened wide in shock he rushed outside the dark room into the hospital's corridor.

The first thing he saw was the flashing red sign above the big door at the end of the corridor.

_Operation_.

"Seishirou-san!" he screamed and hit the door with all his force. "Seishirou-san! NO!"

"_SEISHIROU-SAN!"_

That day at the hospital, the moment I hit the door crying his name, something within me changed.

I didn't know exactly what had been, but from now on, something was different. Hokuto-chan told me to go to the hospital in order to apologize, because that was what I wanted. I thought Seishirou-san would be angry with me, I thought that he would hate me. But that wasn't the case. He smiled at me, just as usual. He teased me as if nothing had happened… He seemed as if he didn't care about the loss of his right eye at all, as long as it was for my sake, to protect me.

But it was my fault after all. And the proof of my selfish behaviour would be carved into his face forever and look back at me whenever I glanced into his eyes.

Still, he had forgiven me.

I wanted to visit him every day. I wanted to be there for him, whenever he needed me. I was ready to do anything he ever asked of me. _Anything_.

_So what does Sumeragi Subaru think about Sakurazuka Seishirou? That's what you have to think about, Subaru. That's what you have to ask yourself. You are the one who inherited most of our family's magical powers, not me. But there is one ability I have, you don't have: The ability to see into your heart, Subaru._

Yes, what does Sumeragi Subaru think about Sakurazuka Seishirou?

I…

The moment Seishirou-san was injured, I cried like never before in my life. I was dismayed, didn't know what to do. I was so worried about him.

But that was not all.

I was afraid that Seishirou-san would hate me.

Yes, I feared that Seishirou-san would hate me. I knew so many people, and I had made good and sad experiences, but I… I had never had that feeling towards someone… 'I want so much that he likes me'.

No one can force another one's heart, but, hitting the door of the emergency room, I cried the whole time because I was so afraid… that he would hate me… and that I would never see him again.

Subaru hesitated to knock on the door of Seishirou's room at the hospital.

"_I… simply… love him."_

"Yes, I…" His voice sounded a lot deeper than his voice almost nine years ago in front of the door at hospital.

That day, he had realized for the first time what he felt towards Seishirou, and as he had entered the room in order to tell him, he had been caught in the illusion of the Sakurazukamori and the Bet had been ended.

The resemblance between now and then was scaring.

Now again, he was standing in front of the door at the hospital and lifting his hand hesitatingly in order to knock.

He finally forced the memories from long ago to leave his mind. It was of no use to rethink again and again what could have been…

Maybe if he had entered the room that day and told Seishirou about what he'd been feeling, then maybe…

Maybe.

Maybe not.

It didn't matter now, anyway.

His thoughts raced forward to yesterday evening. Sitting on that bench next to Seishirou and hearing all those things… All those things he never had expected.

And now? How should he go on? How should he behave towards Seishirou? What should he say?

Knock. Knock.

"Yes? Come in."

Subaru swallowed. For the tiniest instant there was the fear of being caught inside an illusion again on his mind, but, shaking his head, he forced that thought away and pushed the door.

It was so like that day nine years ago. He somehow had the feeling to relive the incidents of that day, like in a déjà vu…

What if, again, suffering and pain waited for him behind this door?

Maybe…

Maybe this time he would be able to prevent it…

Slowly he set one foot into the white room. The sun was sending its bright beams through the large window pointing to the park next to the hospital and to the bench they had been sitting on yesterday evening.

"Subaru-kun...!" A familiar voice said with the tiniest hint of surprise.

Subaru closed the door and walked inside.

Seishirou was sitting on the edge of the bed with a cup of tea in his hands. He was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a white sweat-shirt with hood and pockets. It was in perfect contrast to his dark hair. Somehow, he almost looked like Subaru.

On the bed there was a packed bag. It seemed as if Seishirou was about to leave.

"I have to admit, you were the last one I'd expected." he said, the surprise still not leaving his eyes. "Why did you come?" He looked up in order to face Subaru.

The younger man was standing right in front of him. "Well, it's kind of my fault that you're in hospital, so I thought…"

Seishirou chuckled. "Come on, nothing's your fault, Subaru-kun. I wanted it that way. Even though it turned out a bit different than I had imagined. But still, it is not your fault. One can rather say that I merely _used_ you in order to make my sinister intentions reality." Smiling, he winked at Subaru. "I'm glad to see you."

Subaru suddenly felt his heartbeat getting faster. Seishirou really looked… awesome, even without his back coat and the sunglasses.

Seishirou quickly looked around the room, then sighed slightly. "Once upon a time there were two or three of these rare objects called 'chairs' in this room…" He said ironically and looked back up at Subaru. "But the guy who's with me in this room _loves_ to drag them into the corridor for what reason ever. Thinking of it, he does a lot of strange things, like setting the clock back at half hast three every night. I tried to reset it thousands of times, but the next morning it's half past three again." Seishirou murmured rather to himself.

"That's alright, Seishirou-san." Subaru said politely. "I don't mind standing."

"You can sit next to me." Seishirou said and patted on the bed.

"No, no, really. I don't mind." Subaru answered quickly.

"But I _do_ mind looking up to you all the time."

Finally, Subaru gave in. "Alright."

Content, Seishirou slid aside, so that Subaru could sit down next to him.

"Uhm, I… haven't even asked yet you how you're feeling, Seishirou-san." Subaru said and glanced at the bag on the bed.

"Well, as you can see, I'm about to leave. Thanks to your magic the wounds healed amazingly fast." He put his teacup on the table next to him. Then he glanced at Subaru.

"_But a 'broken' heart takes it's time to heal."_

Getting the double entendre of Seishirou's statement, Subaru started to feel uneasy.

Seishirou realized it. He decided to change the subject. "Actually, I'm just waiting for the permission to leave. But somehow I've the impression that they forgot about me. And that's why I'm sitting here with bag and baggage, drinking tea and am bored. But now, fortunately, _you're_ here in order to keep me company."

Subaru turned to him. Once again, he had this innocently questioning look in his eyes, which made him look incredibly cute.

Seishirou couldn't help smiling. "So what about you, Subaru-kun? Still working as an onmyouji?"

"Yes." Subaru said quickly. "Grandmother asked me to continue."

"Ah, so you live in Kyoto now? Or still in Shinjuku?"

"I have an apartment at Tokyo, but it's not the same one as in Shinjuku." Subaru explained. "I'm rarely in Kyoto."

"I see." Seishirou murmured. It was somehow difficult to make a conversation with Subaru. He wasn't very talkative in the first case and secondly there were so many topics, Seishirou didn't want to bring up. For example he couldn't ask about Subaru's grandmother, as she was sitting in a wheelchair because of him. He couldn't talk about former times, because that would remind Subaru of his sister and thus of her death.

It was really difficult.

"How long did you stay on that bench yesterday evening anyway? I still saw you from the window at about quarter past ten."

"I didn't feel like leaving." Subaru said briefly. It was obvious, that he was thinking about something else.

There was this one sentence on his mind. The one that would have prevented all the suffering and torment, if he'd only been courageous enough to say it that day almost nine years ago.

And now, as he was given a second chance, he still didn't know where to start.

"Uhm, Seishirou-san…?" He finally started.

"Hm?" Seishirou looked up quite astonished. He was so busy to think of something to talk about, that he had never expected Subaru to start a conversation himself. Somehow, he was quite anxious for what it could be about.

Subaru swallowed audibly. "You know, that day, when you ended our Bet… I mean, when I was standing in front of the door…" Wrong. Inside, Subaru hit himself. He had started entirely wrong. He simply should have said what he wanted to say instead of beating around the bush for fifty years. He was such a loser at conversations.

Just at this moment the door opened and a small, grey-haired doctor entered the room.

Immediately, Seishirou stood up and grabbed his bag.

Somehow, Subaru was quite pleased with the interruption. At least he didn't have to finish his sentence.

"Good morning." The doctor said friendly. "I'm here to tell you, that you are allowed to leave now. The injury has healed up so far. You should come back in about two weeks, so that we can make one final check."

"Alright." Seishirou stepped towards him. "Thank you very much."  
"Well." The doctor smiled and shook hands with him. "It was already a miracle that you survived an injury like that in the first case. The fact that it healed up so fast is simply impossible." He let go off Seishirou's hand. "I wonder where you got such an injury from." He murmured merely to himself.

"Well" Seishirou said smilingly. "I wish I could remember. Thank you again, doctor. Goodbye."

"Uhm, yes, goodbye. And take care."

Seishirou had already left the room. "I will." He muttered with a dark tone of voice. "Be sure of it…"

As he walked along the corridor, he heard Subaru's footsteps after him.

"Seishirou-san!" Subaru called and Seishirou stopped to wait for him.

"Don't be cross with me, Subaru-kun." He said and continued walking as soon as Subaru had caught up with him. "But the sooner I get out of here the better."

"Don't worry about it." Subaru took a quick look at all those people standing around in the corridor. Most of them were patients, some visibly ill, some seemed to be rather visitors. "I can carry your bag, Seishirou-san." He suddenly said.

Seishirou smiled at him. "That's very sweet of you, but not necessary. It's not that heavy after all." He said putting on his sunglasses.

Quickly, Subaru looked away. He felt a sudden heat building up all around his body, his heart starting to speed up. Seeing Seishirou like that – without trench coat, but wearing jeans, pullover _and_ sunglasses, which made him look a lot younger than he actually was…

He looked so exceedingly… attractive. Subaru swallowed hard and pushed this thought away vehemently.

The sky was cloudy now, as he and Seishirou were stepping out of the hospital into a pleasantly warm afternoon.

After they reached the street, Seishirou stopped and looked at Subaru. "Thanks again for visiting me." He said smilingly. "Where are you going to go now?"

Subaru met his gaze, questioning. "What do you mean?" The sunglasses prevented him from seeing Seishirou's eyes.

"I was wondering if you had to work tonight." Seishirou explained calmly, then he looked aside at the street. "You see, I thought…" _Goodness, I can't even talk properly anymore…, _Seishirou thought to himself. _I'm acting like a fool…!_ "Well, I thought…" _What if he declines…?_ "Maybe we could go somewhere together." He finally said.

Subaru felt some kind of shiver inside him. "So, what place do you have in mind?" he asked and prayed that he looked calm on the outside.

"_Tokyo Tower."_

The wind was playing with Subaru's hair, as he was looking down hundreds of metres onto an ocean of lights illuminating the city by night.

He laid his right hand on the cool metal handrail, his left hand hidden in the pocket of his waving white coat.

"The place where the Final Battle is destined to take place." He murmured merely to himself.

"Yeah." Seishirou was leaning on the handrail, letting his gaze wander as far as possible, before his sight was taken by the devouring darkness of the night. "At least one of us will find his death here."

Subaru didn't answer. He only made a faint sound of consent. The thought of the Final Day made him feel sick all of a sudden. He had never been caring about the world's future and thus not about the End of the World, but now… since that moment at the Rainbow Bridge and yesterday on the bench…

Somehow… Something inside him didn't want the world to end anymore…

"Remember the last time you and I were up here?" Seishirou said with a nostalgic tone of voice.

"Yes, I remember." Subaru said, staring into the distance. "I had a job here… The girl who killed herself."

Seishirou listened to Subaru's soft voice, which sounded so new to him, so deep, so unfamiliar. But of course, he couldn't have expected him to, still, have the voice of a teenager. The 'new' voice sounded good, after all. Fitting his quiet nature perfectly.

"I wonder if she found peace." Subaru added hesitatingly.

"She did." Seishirou replied reassuringly and turned his head shortly around to look at Subaru. "I'm convinced she did."

The dark sky was totally covered by clouds. Seishirou wondered if there might be a thunderstorm tonight. But it wasn't cold after all. It almost seemed, as if there was an invisible warmth coming from the younger man, or rather as if there was a gentle warmth inside himself every time he looked at Subaru or thought of his presence.

Maybe it was wrong to enjoy his company, maybe it was wrong to be here with him in the first case, but…

He didn't know what. All he knew was that there was no other place on earth, no place he had been during the last nine years, maybe even all his life, no place he'd rather be right now.

Something inside him wondered if Subaru was feeling that way as well.

Seishirou glanced back at Subaru. His face seemed thoughtful, not hinting any emotion at all.

Seishirou felt some kind of disappointment layering onto his mood. He lowered his head.

Subaru noticed the change in his posture. "What is it, Seishirou-san?" He asked quietly.

"You know what?" Seishirou answered quickly. "I still don't understand how everything between two people on this planet could go so incredibly wrong like between the two of us."

Subaru made a sad sound of regret and turned his eyes to Seishirou, who was not looking back at him right now. "I guess everything was nothing more than one huge misunderstanding."

Seishirou closed his eyes in agreement. "Yeah. Probably."

The wind was getting stronger now, tugging at Subaru's coat and hair. Except them, there was no one else on the platform.

"So what now, Seishirou-san?" Subaru said slowly. "What is going to happen to…" he hesitated a second "…us?"

It was somehow strange to think of Seishriou and him as _us._ For such a long time there had only been _me _and_ him _for Subaru and now…He couldn't even remember how long it had been since he'd used that little word for the last time. _Us_. Not _me_. Not me_ alone_.

_Us._

"I don't know, Subaru-kun." Seishirou said in a low tone of voice which almost seemed to be swallowed by the constant noise of the blowing wind. "Maybe there is no solution at all."

Subaru clenched his fists. But... There _was_ a solution. Inside his head. Or better, inside his heart. "Suicide is not a solution." he said expressionlessly. "It only makes other people sad." He added almost whisperingly.

Seishirou turned around. "You of all people are the right one to say that."

Subaru widened his eyes. "I…"

Seishirou only smiled at him. "It's alright. After all, we _both_ intended to kill ourselves, didn't we?"

Subaru looked aside.

"Subaru-kun…" Seishirou took one step towards him so that he was standing right in front of him now. He took off his sunglasses.

Subaru felt his heart starting to speed up once again. That closeness… so sudden… His gaze was captured by those familiar amber eyes, so clear and warm, and that understanding smile… The smile which he had missed for such a long time… He… wanted… to… tell… him…

"Seishirou-san…" he whispered. "I…"

"Hm…?" Seishirou slowly lifted his right hand.

"I… wanted to tell you something before the doctor came in… remember…?" Subaru couldn't force his gaze away.

"Yes. So why don't you tell me now?" Seishirou looked right into the other's eyes. There was no need for him anymore to look _down_ at Subaru. He was now… just as tall as Seishirou. He sure had… grown-up…His eyes… So beautiful… Still so innocent… Seishirou noticed the increasing adrenaline in his blood.All he wanted was…  
His right hand touched Subaru's cheek.  
Like one single spark.

Subaru felt a cold shudder running down his back. That hand… That touch… So warm and so gentle…  
He was overwhelmed by that one instant.

Seishirou stroke the soft skin with his fingers, cradling the other's face with his hand. So beautiful…  
He wondered if Subaru could already to hear his heartbeat…

Suddenly, cherry petals started to fall all around them, like a rain shower made of millions of little pinks stars.

Subaru took a quick breath as the first petal touched his body. Diverted, his eyes traced the way of this one petal, which had gained his attention in that special way. Beautiful, seeing the petals dancing around them.

Seishirou smiled softly and took his hand off Subaru's cheek again.

"It… It is so pretty…" Subaru whispered, overwhelmed.

"Let's make a promise." Seishirou said gently.

"A… promise?"

"Yes. A promise." He lifted his little finger and looked deep inside Subaru's eyes.

The cherry petals continued dancing.

"Never forget about what happened in the past, but…

…_let's try to start all over again…"_

"Seishirou-san…" Subaru felt his eyes filling with tears again.

Seishirou kept on holding his little finger in front of Subaru, his expression was serious.

Finally, Subaru lifted his finger as well and hooked it in. "Promised." He said and tried to smile.

The wind was getting stronger and the way the cherry petals were dancing around them getting wilder.

Seishirou noticed his breath stopping. Seeing Subaru smiling… He was so… breath-taking beautiful…

Subaru swallowed. He looked at their entangled fingers. Then up at Seishirou's face.

And suddenly there was Seishirou's other hand stroking his cheek again, tracing the pale skin of Subaru's face into his hair.

Subaru winced at the intimacy of that touch, and found himself almost unable to breathe anymore.  
He didn't resist. Not now.  
All he wanted from this world was one moment. One moment where Seishirou wasn't Hokuto's killer, one moment where he was not his prey. One moment where there was no demonic Sakura Tree and no End of the World.  
Only one moment… please…  
"Seishirou-san…" he whispered weakly, hesitatingly closing his eyes. "What I… wanted to say… Seishirou-san, I…"

Sweet warmth like never before touching his lips, like angels' feathers stroking him.  
He felt himself melting away under that heavenly sensation, affectionate and gentle.  
He felt himself melting away under this one tender kiss.  
That's what heaven must feel like.  
Captured forever in that one instant of total blissfulness, of overwhelming love.  
For the first time in his life he experienced that kind of sweet sensation.

Seishirou's hand ran through his hair, their fingers still hooked.  
He lifted his own hand unconsciously, touching Seishirou's neck and pulling himself even closer to his opposite.  
_Don't let go… not now… Hold me…  
_The sensation of Seishirou's lips moving against his own, the other's mind only focused on him and him alone in the world, took his breath entirely and made his heart stop during that one special moment.

_Seishirou-san… I really…_

Seishirou pulled back.

Subaru felt himself intoxicated, unable to realize the kiss had ended.  
Like in a dream, he looked at Seishirou, into the one beautiful golden eye fixed on him…  
All he ever needed to live on.

Seishirou smiled gently at him. "I never dared to hope that this would ever happen."  
He enjoyed the pleasant sensation of Subaru's raven hair brushing against his fingers one last time, then he dropped his hand.  
The two hooked fingers caught his attention. He bowed slightly and lifted them both in order to kiss the back of Subaru's hand.

"Don't tell me I'm dreaming…" Subaru eventually said with a tensed tone of voice.

"You're not." Seishirou let go off Subaru's hand, and their fingers came undone.

Subaru started to realize that they were still standing on the platform of Tokyo Tower, the wind blowing around them.  
On the ground, there was the illuminated city, cars and people…  
He realized that this was the real world; it was today, now…  
The cherry petals were gone. Nothing was dancing around them anymore, except the cool wind.  
The angels' feathers were gone… The dream was gone.  
But Seishirou was still there. And that was all that mattered.  
"Seishirou-san…" Subaru looked at him, enchanted. He smiled in the same shy way he used to as a teenager.

Seishirou smiled back at him and put his left arm around Subaru's waist.

"What I wanted to tell you…"

"Shhh…" Seishirou put his finger on Subaru's lips. "Don't talk…"

And one instant later, Subaru felt himself falling for another kiss, thousand times sweeter than the first one.  
He closed his eyes to lose himself again to the man holding him, falling apart into a dream of blissfulness.  
His pulse started to race.  
The world disappeared again.  
There were only the two of them left.  
Seishirou and him.  
No one else.  
He didn't realize putting his left hand onto the soft cotton on Seishirou's left arm, which was holding his waist.  
That incredible warmth all around and inside him was so unfamiliar.  
He lifted his right hand unconsciously to the back of Seishirou's head and grabbed into his black hair.  
The sweetness he tasted… intoxicating…  
He found himself being swept away by the enthralling gestures of the other man.  
The one, his nemesis, his love.  
The only one in the world.  
The only one to hold him like that, to lift him so high to a place of dreams and bliss he'd never experienced before in his life…  
Seishirou's lips were so softly, so tenderly caressing his own.  
Subaru's breath speeded up at the thought, the realization of Seishirou kissing him in such a fervent way…  
The taste of cherries…  
So sweet, so alluring…

Suddenly he felt something cold and damp on his head.  
Again.  
Again.  
Drop.  
Drop.  
Rain.  
It started pouring.

Confused, he felt Seishirou giggling slightly, trying to suppress his laughter.  
Sensing the smile on Seishirou's lips against his own, Subaru started to giggle himself.  
For almost nine years they had been waiting for this one moment, and now…  
The rain became stronger every second and Subaru felt himself getting wetter and wetter.  
Both realised gradually that their kiss was kind of senseless now, and finally Subaru pulled back, laughing.

"Great timing." Seishirou murmured shaking his head and winked amused at Subaru. "Come on, let's hurry, or we'll get soaking wet!" Quickly, he took Subaru's hand, pulling him with him.

Subaru found himself being led by one warm, soft hand, clutching his own. Somehow, he did not really realize what was happening around him. He was captured inside some beautiful dream, so perfect, that one could hardly imagine that the real world still existed.  
The one he needed so deeply right in front of him, so close… finally so close…  
Even if it was wrong… Even if the whole world and his loved ones would condemn him…  
Even so…

He followed Seishirou through the pouring rain, till they reached a tiny canopy where the rain couldn't reach them.

_What I wanted to tell you since that day nine years ago is…_

"_I love you so much, Seishirou-san…!" Subaru cried._

Holding both his hands, Seishirou dragged him towards him under the canopy.

Subaru fell into his arms, losing himself in a renewed, everlasting kiss, letting the whole world and even time stop just around him and his love.

* * *


End file.
